Are you stuck?

Five years ago, I was in a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere, a job that was no longer inspiring me and living a life that just wasn’t fulfilling anymore. I had been in that place for months, probably YEARS.

Being stuck makes you feel pretty shitty doesn’t it? It can be anything from constant procrastination about something that you’re afraid will make you feel vulnerable or that you might fail at, to your WHOLE F-ING LIFE being on hold! It slowly eats away at your self-belief and confidence. Your critical self-talk is never far away to remind you how you’re wasting your life away, or that maybe this really is your lot. And why can’t you JUST BE HAPPY or get on and do something about it?!

I’ve been pondering how we’ve all been stuck at least once in our lives and how we did eventually get out of that stuck place - because life never stands still, not really. Things change. Often in ways out of our control. And how when we face a job loss, the death of a loved one, our partner leaving us or a health scare it jolts us out of our stuck place pretty damn bloody quick!

We stay stuck because it feels safe. We resist and cling to the familiar. We hold back from making decisions when we don’t know 100% how they’ll turn out. And we settle. We spin our wheels and bang our heads against the metaphorical brick wall! 

If I could go back and talk to the me of five years ago, I would ask her to start with ONE SMALL STEP. The step that means she is no longer stuck in the same place. I would say you don’t have to do it all at once or know what all the answers are or even how this thing is going to turn out! Yes, you will feel scared but you will also feel brave and EMPOWERED and IN CONTROL of your life. You have everything inside that you need to honour the amazing woman you are and all you are here to do in this lifetime...If this is speaking to you, I can help. Please get in touch to arrange your free discovery session.

It's not too late and you're not too old!

Four years ago, when I was a couple of months away from my fiftieth birthday, I was secretly freaking the hell out!

I was completely stuck in a rut and terrified that I’d wasted the best years of my life and I’d left it way too late to do anything about it.

I couldn’t get away from the endless spinning thoughts telling me that I needed to ‘sort my life out’. Everything felt stuck and unfulfilling. And I was numbing out my fear of being trapped here forever (cue wine, Netflix and chocolate).

I was terrified that fifty represented the beginning of the end, the slow decline into decrepitude (which is TOTAL b.s. by the way!)

What if my fears are true? What if this IS all there is for me? I was constantly criticising and judging myself. “Why can’t you just be happy?” “Why can’t you just ‘grow some’ and make a move?”

The saddest thing about all of this was that I was gradually losing my confidence and self-belief, staying small, keeping quiet and dimming my light. I’d lost sight of who I was, all I could be, my passions and the dreams I once had.

And it all became so familiar I believed it WAS ‘me’.

Thank f**k I was WRONG!

Back then I couldn’t see a way out. And yet I’ve changed my life completely. I dug deep and understood myself better than ever before. I tapped into what I really wanted, found my mission, my purpose, my calling, whatever you want to call it. And I re-created my life.

I’ve realised that I am more capable, creative, passionate and purposeful than I ever DARED think possible! (don’t get me wrong I’m still a work in progress and learning all the time.) The difference is that now I feel like I am doing something way more meaningful, aligned to who I am, why I’m here AND I have my inner fire to keep me company!

I really hope you’re ready to break free from the limitations that are holding you back? Because the world is so missing out on what you have to offer...

My job is to help you follow your heart-driven purpose to make a bigger difference in the world. Please get in touch to arrange a free intro coaching call. I'd love to hear from you 

Why walk when you can dance?

This is a photo of me at my first silent disco around three years ago.

That silent disco was both fantastically brilliant and really bloody uncomfortable!

Aside from dancing in broad daylight in a busy city centre with no alcohol inside me, the thing I was most anxious about was what other people would think of me.

what if I looked stupid?
what if I saw someone I knew?
what if I got the group synchronised dance moves wrong? (yes, we really did do that!)

And I'm so glad I got over myself and just let it flow and thought f-it relax and enjoy this thing...

Fear of judgement is paralysing.

It stops us from trying new things.

It keeps us small.

It squashes our creativity.

It stops us being able to be who we truly are...and it stops us having fun, feeling free and experiencing true joy.

It's B.S. right.

Saying "Yes" when you really want to say "No"

We all do it right? We say “yes” when we really want to say “no.”

We put on a smile and pretend. We stay quiet. We over-compromise. We under-value our needs. We tire ourselves out. We self-sabotage. We rarely, if ever, put ourselves first. We spend precious time and energy doing things that drain us, that we don’t have the room for right now in our lives, or feel pointless and make us miserable!

Wowsers! Are we crazy or what?!

I used to do this, a lot. Feeling the pressure of obligation and expectation. The tight knot of emotional guilt and anxiety at the thought of saying no. (it’s still a work in progress by the way!)

And if you’re anything like me then maybe you say yes to things for some of the same reasons – because you worry that people won’t like you, or they won’t ask you again. To avoid awkwardness or the feeling you’re letting someone down. Or because you worry people will judge you, think you’re boring or worse still, uncaring and selfish!

These stories and beliefs are sucking the life force out of you!

I want to give you a loving reminder today that you can say no.

Take a moment to ask yourself what will saying yes now cost me in the long term? Am I saying yes from a place of honesty? If I was able to say no more what could my life look like in terms of energy, love, authenticity?

And if you’re struggling to say no, try this - don’t just go into default yes mode! Check in with yourself. You don’t always have to decide right there and then. Give yourself some space to consider what feels right, what is most aligned with your values and your priorities (for yourself, the things that really matter and those you love).

You don’t have to say yes to everything. It doesn’t mean that you won’t be asked again. It doesn’t mean that you’ll be letting people down. It means you’re being honest and real. Who wants to be with someone who doesn’t really want to be there? I know I don’t!

Then you can give the best of yourself, the most loving, giving, creative, passionate you, to the things that matter and the people that matter most in your life.

Women supporting women

Even though it was a long time ago now, I still remember how I felt during that management meeting. I was the only woman in a roomful of men when one of my female colleagues (who wasn’t there) was openly criticised for “always banging on about not having enough senior women in our part of the organisation.”

I remember a wave of humiliation passing through my body, my heart thumping and face reddening as I sat silence.

I felt powerless and invisible. I didn’t feel confident enough to speak up. I was afraid of being rejected, undermined or shut down. And yet deep down I knew I had a voice and a valid perspective to bring to the table.

I walked out of that meeting feeling sick. How did I just allow that to happen?! I realised that I was playing into a role that was making me feel inferior and unworthy.

I never wanted to sit in a meeting without being able to speak up about something that mattered to me again. I vowed to build relationships at work with other women where we could talk, listen and share our challenges with each other. So that we could support each other emotionally as well as in the strategy meetings!

Today in my work as a coach and business owner, I help women feel empowered to shine in their life and work. I love to collaborate for good with other women where we support and lift each other up...I believe it’s absolutely fundamental to my working happiness and my future success!

Happy International Womens Day everyone!

Have you done this?

I used to sit in meetings or be in a conversation and think to myself “I don’t agree” “that’s unfair” “who says that’s the right way” “I don’t get it” but I would be afraid to speak up.

I stayed silent. An anxious knot in my belly. My chest tightening. My face flushing.

Thoughts racing. “What if I’m wrong?” “What if they think I’m being difficult or aggressive?” “What if they hold it against me?”

Have you been there too? It’s so f-ing uncomfortable and frustrating isn’t it?!

For me, it wasn’t just my own dis-ease with situations, often I was party to decisions that would ultimately impact others. And not in a good way.

Why do we hold ourselves back from speaking what we know to be true? Why do we fear what others will think of us even when we know what they are doing or saying is wrong?

Because we hold limiting beliefs about how we should or shouldn’t be, act and feel. That speaking out, disagreeing or having our own opinion is wrong. Or rude. Or inappropriate. And if we dare to do it, then our argument has to be perfect, we have to be smarter than everyone else or something bad will happen!

It's total B.S. right! We know this. Our fear of not being capable, clever or likeable enough. Our limiting beliefs about our capabilities and our worth as a human being. 
The truth is we already have everything we need to find our voice and to step into the truth of who we are. Because we know this isn’t us. We know it every time it feels awkward and we feel frustrated at being held back, or at seeing others being held back.

We have the desire. We have the heart. And we have the willingness to commit to doing things differently. I know we do. I know you do.

You have what you need to access your limitless potential. To live the next chapter of your life without limitations.

Fed up with the b.s. stereotype?

Are you fed up with the ‘midlife’ stereotype? That one that says women our age should be slowing down, fading into the background and accepting (and expecting) a gentle decline into decrepitude! That one that tries to dictate to us what we can and cannot do, what we should and shouldn't be saying, feeling, thinking…Argh! I say f**k that BS!

There’s never a better time to fulfil your wildest, deepest, longest held dreams and ambitions in life. You know the ones, the ones you’ve been daydreaming about for years, afraid to tell anyone about or even think really seriously about because you don’t really believe you can do it!

I’m here to tell you can do it!!! You have so much wisdom, experience, talent and ability. You are more powerful than you can imagine. I know because I have seen women just like you achieve things they never thought possible. Over and over.

It’s time for new adventures not slowing down and fading into the f**king background!

Get in touch to work with me 1:2:1 on the next chapter of your life. I’m ready if you’re ready!

What excites me

That moment she starts to see her transformation.
That moment she starts to believe in herself.
That moment she sees all her possibilities and potential shining through.
That moment she says look what I can do.
That moment she says I‘m so proud of who I am.

January 1st 2015

Four years ago, 01.01.2015, I’ve just woken up.

The anxiety has kicked in. Creeping up my body into my chest, heart thumping, throat tightening, a swirling sick feeling in my belly. My first thoughts are of the night before. Oh god did I drink too much? Did I make a fool of myself? The feelings of shame, remorse and self-loathing were all too familiar. Alcohol and food were my long-time crutches for most of my adult life. To escape difficult thoughts or feelings and numb out the dissatisfaction in my life. To escape the inertia and the deep-down nagging feeling that I could be doing something more, being something more.

*I stopped drinking in 2017 but this post isn't about that.

Then came the frustration and the hopelessness. Why couldn’t I get out of this cycle? I knew what I needed to do (I’d read enough self-help books and watched endless ‘change your life in 30 days’ masterclasses!) I felt so bloody stuck.

Being stuck and knowing we want to change has got to be one of the worst feelings. We want to be different, make better choices. We know what’s good for us (that’s not the problem!) We even know what to do to get us on track and yet we continue to make poor decisions. We self-sabotage. Whether it’s with alcohol, food, social media, relationships, careers or another aspect of our life.

We have another drink.
Eat the cheese.
Stay in the toxic relationship.
Stay in the job we hate.
Watch the next 21-episode Netflix box-set.
We say no to investing in ourselves.

We make decisions based on the moment. We don’t make decisions based on our long-term hopes, dreams, goals and wants for ourselves.

Why? Familiarity, we know what to expect. Comfort, an easy life. Security. Less stress.
And yet with these in the moment decisions what we truly hope for ourselves feels so far away.

We fear the unknown. We know this. If we change things, make different decisions, not the ones based on how we feel in the moment, we don’t always know what the outcome will be. Inside we know what we are doing is wrong. That it’s not the best thing for us but we don’t have to face the possibility of making an even bigger hash of it if we do the things that could just completely change our entire life around!

I’m here to tell you that you can change your entire life around! That you can discover the limitless possibilities for your life. That you can answer that nagging voice that knows you can be more, do more, make a bigger contribution in the world.

All the love xo